


i drown my dreams in gasoline but all you care about is the flame

by americananirvana



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Dark, M/M, Sad, Tysh, gasoline, i guess??, im sorry, josh x tyler - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, please i worked on this for days i promise it's not that bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-06 12:41:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10334945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americananirvana/pseuds/americananirvana
Summary: tyler has a strange fascination with gasoline and josh hates being cold."he rapidly focuses his eyes onto an unmoving silhouette that stands stiff in front of what seems to be a burning tire.tyler grabs two water bottles from the many sitting in the backseat and exits the car.josh watches the flame with holy worship, fascination staining his eyelids and the tell tale gasoline can thrown carelessly to the side."





	

**Author's Note:**

> validate me  
> i worked on this for so long but fuck i know no one is going to read it

tyler's hands struggle to carefully cap the plastic bottle of gas. he twists it on tightly, flipping the bottle from one side to the other, and then tosses it in the trunk with 3 other similarly filled bottles.

he slams it closed and breathes in the polluted air with satisfaction, smelling dead cigarettes and gas soaked hands.

he wipes his hands on his black jeans and jerks the driver's seat open, dropping into the torn, cheap leather seat.

it's cold inside, and the chill radiates off every part of the car and the windows fog up.

tyler draws a noose, and next to it, a lightbulb.

he shuts the door firmly with a soft sigh and turns his keys in the ignition and the car wakes, rumbling to life with sleepy eyes.

the headlights shine boringly and cast ominous light in front of him.

he ignores it and the cold steering wheel as he steps on the gas and pulls smoothly away from the empty gas station.

away he goes, as a mass produced radio host cheerfully advertises a mattress brand and the chill begins to seep through his worn jeans and thin shirt.

tyler likes to play a game with himself when he drives.

he unfocuses his eyes as much as he can, until he's staring out of the windshield and into the middle distance with a heavy gaze.

he watches the traffic lights blur and tries not to hit somebody with his car.

it's a simple and pointless game, but tyler is easily entertained.

as he pulls to the right into their grassy suburban neighbourhood, he sees red flickering in the corner of his blurred sight.

he rapidly focuses his eyes onto an unmoving silhouette that stands stiff in front of what seems to be a burning tire.

tyler grabs two water bottles from the many sitting in the backseat and exits the car.

josh watches the flame with holy worship, fascination staining his eyelids and the tell tale gasoline can thrown carelessly to the side.

"josh, sweetheart,"

josh jerks to attention with wide eyes, lips parting in surprise.

"i gotta put this fire out. i love you and i know you didn't have a great day, but i don't want anybody calling the police."

josh rubs his eyes with a soft exhale, and nods.

"yeah, that's a good idea. sorry."

tyler pops open the two water bottles and expertly douses the flames with the skill of one who's done the same motions many times before.

he waves away the thick smoke and throws the plastic to the side, and replaces it with josh's hand.

"c'mon, doll. let's go home."

josh just blinks tiredly, eyes half lidded and tyler leads him to the car and shuts the door softly after him.

tyler gets in the opposite side and blinks until his vision is almost painfully sharp, and takes them home. 

 

the house is dark and menancing as they pull into the drive way, and tyler gets out first, opening the door for josh, who can barely keep his eyes open.

tyler takes his hand again, and supresses a smile at the way he trips over his own feet and combs through his hair with lazy hands.

he kicks the passenger side door closed with his foot and picks josh up and walks the few feet into the house, struggling to fish the keys out of his back pocket and open the door.

tyler nudges the light on with an elbow and drops a half gone josh onto the couch, who immediately buries his face in his arm and disappears into sleep with a soft sigh.

tyler smiles fondly and cracks his neck, going back out the door to the car.

he throws open the trunk and balances all four gasoline bottles in an arm, shivering slightly, and jogs back into the house and locks the door.

one bottle in the kitchen.

one bottle in the living room.

one bottle in the bathroom.

one bottle in his bedroom.

tyler cleans his already clean hands on his jeans and picks josh up again.

he carries him to his bedroom, the fairy lights still aglow from earlier in the day and he makes no move to turn them off.

he pulls josh's skinny jeans off with slight difficulty and pulls the blanket over his sleeping body gently.

"goodnight, angel."

tyler shuts the door gently behind him and turns off the hallway lights.

he lets out a shaky breath and washes his face in the blue tiled bathroom as the plastic bottle of gasoline stares him down.

tyler sleeps.

 

the morning sun comes shining through his half closed blinds, casting rectangular light across his face and warming the chill in his feet.

he rolls over and sits up blearily, staring at his tired reflection in the mirror across the room. the shelf where it stands hosts another container of gasoline.

he turns his eyes away and stands up on sleep heavy legs. soft footsteps patter around from further inside the house.

he picks a black shirt off the floor and tugs it over his head, and pulls on a pair of old sweatpants that smell like dust.

the kitchen is occupied by josh, who's focused on painting his nails black.

he's wearing a ridiculously oversized sweater and sitting crosslegged on the cheap wooden chair.

tyler sits down across from him and gently takes the brush from him, inhaling through his mouth to avoid the smell of the nail polish.

he paints the rest of josh's right hand. 

he twists the cap closed as josh mumbles a thank you and begins blowing on his fingernails.

the chair squeaks on the floor as he stands up to put the nail polish away and microwave breakfast.

 

it's silent as josh carefully picks up the slice of leftover pizza and does his best to avoid eye contact with tyler.

he's quiet, the grease staining his lips and his other hand stored away deep inside his hoodie as he chews slowly.

"it was just," he says.

"i forgot my jacket. and it started getting colder and it felt like how it shouldn't feel."

he swallows.

"i was so cold."

tyler chews on his own slice of pizza and pads across the kitchen floor to turn the heater up. josh shivers.

 

tyler takes a shower.

the water is comforting, and he closes his eyes and imagines black paint swirling away down the drain and thinks about the water filling his lungs.

he reaches for his body wash and he's thinking about parts of him that will never be _clean,_ and now he's scratching at the pale blue tiles at the wall and spitting soap out of his mouth and gasping for breath as water showers him like bullets.

the soap is bitter and sharp and nothing like the peach it advertises.

it takes him 17 rinses to get it out of his mouth and 17 rinses for him to stop spitting bubbles onto the shower floor.

he gets out of the shower and brushes his teeth and doesn't look in the mirror.

 

josh is napping on the couch when he's done and his cheeks are flushed pink and lips are open in contentment.

tyler sighs and watches dreams dance on the underside of josh's eyelids and he wishes and hopes to be him.

he taps his fingers on the side of his legs and grabs his ukulele off the table, humming softly to himself.

his fingers absently find place on the fretboard and he strums slowly and quietly.

"we don't believe," josh's painted fingers fidget, even in his sleep.

"what's on tv." tyler's eyes flicker to the old and broken tv set across from the couch. it barely works and haunts tyler with it's static voices and flickering images.

"because it's what we want, to see." he stares now, at the pale skin masking josh's face and wonders what's inside the kitchen sink in his head.

"and what we want," he feels heavy. there are ten pound weights in his socks and his head is spinning.

"we know we can't believe." his fingers stop moving and his vision begins to flicker like the broken tv set as he roams his eyes over josh's face, and tries to assure himself that he's real he's real he's real.

he whispers now, ukulele cold and forgotten in his hands.

"we have all learned to kill our dreams."

the bottle of gasoline on the table burns holes into his head and turns the faucet on.

tyler drops his ukulele on the ground and vanishes.

 

josh awakes alone on the couch, some distant melody playing faintly in his head.

tyler's ukulele lies face down on the floor. 

josh frowns.

he sits up, popping the bones in his back and rolling his neck.

he puts the ukulele back on the table carefully and goes to find tyler.

what eventually leads him to tyler is the unmistakable smell of gasoline that gets stronger as he nears the bathroom.

josh can hear the bath running but he shivers because he knows the liquid on the floor is not water.

he doesn't bother knocking as he opens the door, to find tyler with gasoline covering his hands, feet bare and head tilted and submerged in the bath.

3 bubbles rise to the surface and tyler sits straight up, coughing and clawing at his throat, his lips blue and hair dripping down in his face.

and then josh is kneeling on the floor next to tyler, his knees sliding in the gas slick tile and he's grasping tyler's hands and putting them in the tub as tyler gasps and looks at josh through water studded eyelashes, sobbing.

"josh, josh i dont wanna."

he's shaking his head furiously, and josh stops cleaning the gas off his hands for a moment.

"i don't wanna kill my dreams. i don't wanna kill you."

josh just kisses him on the lips, and doesn't let go.

 

tyler needs to get away.

he tells josh that he's fine, HESFINE and he calls brendon up and tells him that he needs to forget.

brendon laughs and tells him that he'll pick tyler up at 7.

tyler hesistates as he looks at josh's face illuminated only by the light of his phone, his expression cold and his eyes dead to the world.

he gets in the car, and then things begin to spin.

slowly, the first club rained glitter down onto him and caught in his eyebrows and under his fingernails. he drinks and his muscles relax and then he goes to the next club, laughing and smiling and he drinks and then the next club and the next until it's a whir of warm bodies and liquor burning his throat as the lights flash and burn away any tangible thought.

dallon drops him off with a giggling brendon in the front seat, hands roaming everywhere and tyler stumbles out of the car and breathes in until he feels like his lungs might burst.

he thanks the two, smiling about something that used to be funny while doing it and slams the door closed  and walks into the house.

 

as footsteps begin to finally enter the hall of the house, and a red faced, smiley eyed tyler stumbles in, josh stands straight up.

he tries to rub the red away from his eyes.

"tyler, where were you?" josh chokes out. it's loud and dripping with worry and his cheeks are flushed anxiety grey.

tyler just smiles wide. 

"out."

"i was worried sick and-and you were out just-"

suddenly tyler's face morphs into something animalistic, and he snarls.

"i wasn't slutting around. i just wanted to forget because you didn't do a very good goddamn job."

josh stands, eyes wide and lips open with hands trembling. any angry words he had grown in his lungs have withered and burned away until he's coughing up ash.

tyler's laughing now, venom dripping off of every syllable. "come on,  _doll,_ don't lie to me. i know you just like it when im on my ass 'cause it makes ya feel better about yourself."

tyler shakes his head.

"so fuckin' disappointed."

then tyler's collapsing onto the couch and muttering unintelligable things as he falls into a drunken sleep and josh stands paralyzed, the words bouncing against the sides of his head as his ribcage rattles and he tries not to collapse in on himself.

~~_disappointed_ ~~

~~~~~~~~and now josh is shaking and there's a chorus and a fire alarm singing in his head as the cold begins to set in.

 

drunk men don't tell lies

he thinks as he grabs the gasoline from the kitchen.

drunk men don't tell lies 

when he swipes up the bottle from the table next to tyler's sleeping body.

drunk men don't tell lies

as he darts in and out of tyler's bedroom, eyes half shut, to get the bottle of gasoline resting on his nightstand.

drunk men don't tell lies

he sobs as he pours gasoline over his arms and through his hair.

drunk men don't tell lies

he can't breathe and the smell of gasoline is stifling as he casts aside the empty bottle and opens the next.

drunk men don't tell lies

he grasps the shower handle with slippery hands and turns on the bath and the water begins to consume his feet.

drunk men don't tell lies

he tells himself as he chokes everything back down his throat, gasoline dripping in his eyes as he lights himself on fire because he's so  _cold._

 

tyler awakes, his head pounding and the sun blinding him as it pools across his face.

tyler's confused when he notices a trail of water creeping across the living room floor.

tyler's scared as he notices it's coming from the bathroom.

tyler's terrified as he realized he can hear the bath still running.

and tyler screams as he opens the door and finds josh's body, mutilated and burned, lying face down in the overflowing bathtub.

 

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: washedouteyes  
> this is one of my fics that i poured my absolute heart and tears into. comments would be so so appreciated.  
> my next work is going to be down on the farm and based on personal experiences.


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